New Design!

So today I decided I needed something new, blog-wise. I played around with some stuff and came up with this.

Ta-da!

What do you think?

It's still sort of a work in progress, with me pondering things, and I'll probably keep tweaking. Any input or ideas would be appreciated.

To thank you for your patience, I'll give you a couple of snippets from the past week. ;)

E: "Weirdo."
Me: "I don't think I'm the weirdo in this relationship."
E: "Sez you. My beard makes me completely normal."


Me: "Ooh! There's a LEGO Battle of Endor set."
E: "Does that mean you get to kill Ewoks?"
Me: [sniffs indignantly] "...it depends on who's playing."

If E was playing, there would be LEGO Ewok pieces all over the place...poor lil' guys.

I Am

I am the deep blue-green-gray-purple of the ocean’s icy depths.

I am the burning red-orange-gold of the hottest molten flow.

I am the burbling laughter of an eternal spring.

I am shards of moonlight falling in a silent symphony.

I am the pain so fierce it makes your bones ache, blood freeze, and your nerves sing.

I am warmth and softness to hold you in the darkest parts of night.

I am the tree that bends during spring’s harsh wind-storms,

the rock upon which all is built,

and the ever-changing sea.

I am words and letter, paper and ink, knowledge and the unknown.

I am wooden shoes that klomp along on ancient cobblestone,

flowers that grow from the earth, stolen from the sea.

I am wild violins, bright living colors, and an unquenchable thirst for change.

I am sacred chants, tobacco offerings, and trails of long-shed tears.

I am those who were lost, those who were beaten, and those who were confined.

I am eyes who saw more death than I can bear,

hands who slaved for those who hated me,

hearts that broke with every step I took,

and spirits that refused to be confined.

I am and I am not – scarred, tortured, tread upon and forgotten.

I am and I am not – alive, exuberant, determined and free.

I am intelligent and dumb,

can see and yet am blind,

can feel but could not tell how I know I do.

I am too big for my skin,

too small for my soul.

I am a life-giver, a caretaker, a lover, a woman.

 I am a poet, a dreamer, a philosopher, a human.

I am everything and nothing,

and all that’s in between.

I am.

Death and Relief

I am still sick to my stomach and completely overwhelmed. Osama Bin Laden is dead. I don't know what to think, and though I'm not happy...I'm relieved. And sad that another human being's death has made me feel that way. This quote, from the Baha'i Writings, is the one thing that makes me feel better about my relief.

"O ye beloved of the Lord! The Kingdom of God is founded upon equity and justice, and also upon mercy, compassion, and kindness to every living soul. Strive ye then with all your heart to treat compassionately all humankind—except for those who have some selfish, private motive, or some disease of the soul. Kindness cannot be shown the tyrant, the deceiver, or the thief, because, far from awakening them to the error of their ways, it maketh them to continue in their perversity as before. No matter how much kindliness ye may expend upon the liar, he will but lie the more, for he believeth you to be deceived, while ye understand him but too well, and only remain silent out of your extreme compassion." - ‘Abdu’l-Bahá

Zombie Snippet

From my IM conversation with E this morning. Verbatim. :) Yes, we are hopeless geeks.


Me: Perfect house for the zombie apocalypse -http://all-that-is-interesting.com/post/4956385434/the-first-zombie-proof-house

E: That is pretty cool. It does have some openings on the ground floor that are worrisome, so unless it is closed up when the apocalypse happens, you might be boned.

Me: Yeah, but if you've got the zombie-alert system, you might have time to close it up before they get to you. Depending on which zombies they are.

E: :)
E: I do love you, you know that right?

Me: I love you, too.
Me: What brought that on? Was I awesome just now without noticing? :)

E: A bit.

Me: Cool.
Me: That is my goal in life. To be so awesome that all you can do is grin and tell me you love me. :D

Added: For your zombie identification purposes - http://www.thinkgeek.com/interests/zombies/e714/

WoW & Dating

The Guy got me into playing World of Warcraft with him. It's a fun way to unwind and we both end up laughing and chatting while we sit in the living room together, running around and killing things online. I know that some people have talked about being "WoW Widows" and such, but it's actually helping our already-excellent communication. I understand some of what he talks about better now, and cooperating on in-game tasks or objectives is teaching us how to communicate better when one or both of us is frustrated.

On top of that, it's full of opportunities for the weirdest conversations. Last night, for instance.

Me: "When we go back to turn in our quests, I'll sell my pants."
Him: *looks at me suspiciously*
Me: "What?! I made pants while we were trees. Multi-tasking."

I know it doesn't make sense without a lot of explanation, but the fact that such a random assortment of words did make sense in that moment still makes me giggle. Thank goodness one of his favorite things about me playing video games is what I end up saying. He still loves to tell his friends about how he discovered my bloodthirsty nature while he played Assassin's Creed 2...

Banter

I used to wish that I could live in a Jennifer Crusie novel, not just for the wonderful romance and men who loved the women unconditionally and relished in their curves, but also for the banter. I craved the banter.

Then I friended The Guy on Facebook, reconnecting, and we bantered for 2 or 3 weeks until we met up in person. The banter has continued ever since, and even after 22 months together, he never fails to crack me up.

Tonight is a merely mediocre example, but I'm still laughing.


He's playing WoW while I goof off, and I decided I needed a movie on in the background. I pressed play on Pirates of the Caribbean 3 and a High School Musical preview started.

Me (on the couch): "AUGH!! Where's the remote? Fast-forward! FAST-FORWARD! Why would someone DO this?!"
Him (from the computer): "Because it's Disney."
Me: "But it's wrong! EVIL."
Him: "Disney."
Me: "They're trying to make me blind and deaf and ill before my movie begins?"
Him: "Like life at sea."
Me: "High School Musical is scurvy?"
Him: *pauses, then nods* "Yeah, pretty much."

Series Review of Lie to Me

*Warning: contains some overall spoilers that are usually available in episode previews, but if you are opposed to spoilers, don't read this one.*


Lie to Me is losing me…

When I first began to watch Lie to Me, I loved the idea of it. I loved that Lightman was a jerk who cared, who masked his caring with snarky responses. Yeah, he could be a real asshole sometimes, but there was a core likeability to him.

I liked the other characters, and the stories. I thought the writing was solid, and I could see real development in the show. There were arcs all over the place. I was excited to have an intelligent show with good writing in my Monday night lineup, right there between Chuck and Castle. Monday nights were gooooood.

Then a supporting character's boyfriend was in an explosion. The episode after we found out that he was okay, he disappeared. He was never mentioned again, even to explain what happened to him.  They got rid of the FBI consultant aspect, shooting an agent and explaining his survival in the season premiere with a toss-off line that I completely missed. Plunder Bunny swears it was there, but I'm still skeptical.

Certain arcs not only stopped, but crashed and burned. The FBI angle was trashed because the producers want to make Lightman more of a P.I. instead of a highly sought-after consultant. Character violations are running rampant. Loeker is a prime example of this. A funny guy who was harshly honest is now a whiney liar. And he got promoted, but then Lightman took away his desk and treats him like an unpaid intern? I'm confused every time he walks on screen.

Lightman devolved into a two-dimensional character. Now he's acting unhinged, working to keep a dirty cop in his pocket by teaching her to lie, distancing everyone from him more than usual, and is actively alienating Foster. I used to be able to handle his antics because I at least respected him and trusted his motives. That is no longer the case.

How about you guys? Is there a show that lost you because the writers got sloppy? Did they bore you? Violate your favorite characters? (And not in the fun way…) Did you stick with the show or did you move on to something else?

Personally, I'm tempted to start watching Dancing with the Stars during that time slot...

I'm Back

It's been a while since I blogged. I got the computer back just fine, but I couldn't bring myself to blog.

Stuff happened - brother got married, saw my parents, started school - and I still didn't blog. I was avoiding the world to a degree.

The past few months I've dealt with some depression and anxiety issues, and I'm doing better. It's still hard to blog, but it's hard sometimes to do anything. I'm working on being better at self-regulation for schoolwork and stuff, and I think I'm going to use blogging as something else to make sure that I am in touch with the world on a regular basis.

So I'm back! I'm going to write blogs ahead of time so I have something to post if I don't feel like writing on a particular day. I'll be posting at least three times a week. If I can't think of a topic, I'll write a review of a book or movie or TV show. Maybe even post questions for people to answer in the comments.

I've missed you, world. How have you been?

The Primary Goal

My goal of blogging daily may have to be put on hold. Indy (my lovely laptop) has been having some issues with the USB ports not always recognizing devices. His warranty will be up on the 16th, so I'm taking him to the Sony store to get checked out while I still can.

I don't know if they'll have to keep him for a while. If they do, I'll only have my iPhone (who has yet to be named) for internet usage. I may blog, but it'll be difficult. I'll probably just make myself journal daily instead.

On the plus side, this is a result of me being organized and taking care of things that need attention. Not procrastinating. And not having the internet around may make it easier for me to finish doing the life organization I need to. I am easily distracted by technology...

I feel like this is a setback, like I'm falling down on my goals only two days after making them, but I need to recognize that sometimes one goal may take precedence. It's about finding a way to do what needs to be done and let go of the stress of everything else. It's about being an adult without driving myself into the ground. I think that's the most important thing I need to learn from all of my goal-making.

The primary goal, the one reached by striving for all of my others, is to learn how to find the balance in my life.

Goals

I've been thinking a lot lately about goals, and achieving those goals. Right now, my goals are to be more organized (both physically and mentally), to get into better shape, and to write the novel that's bouncing around in my head.

For the organized goal, I'm going to make myself completely organize my room today. Tomorrow I'll be taking a couple of boxes to Goodwill, some to the storage unit, and some to the trash. I will file things and label things and let the OCD part of my personality run rampant. I will go through my computer to get rid of all excess digital baggage. And then I'm going to set a personal schedule for my days.

For the better shape goal, I'm going to put a time to work out every day on my schedule. I will get up on time and go work out. With Plunder Bunny working from home and having the same desire to work out, I may even have an exercise buddy some mornings. I will also make sure I have good stuff on my iPhone to watch/listen to so that I don't get discouraged by mental boredom.

And the writing...the writing is the biggest part for me. I need to find my voice. I need to hone my skills. So I will be blogging daily, doing writing exercises, and continuing my Discovery work. I will have time set on my schedule for writing, I will have a place for writing that is clutter free, and I will study the books that I have so that I can become the most skilled writer I can be.

I have goals. I have plans of how to achieve those goals. And, by gum, I will succeed.

Productivity

I was productive yesterday! Go me! And I learned an important lesson in the process.

I cleaned the kitchen, doing lots of dishes and waging battles against the ants who are continuing to invade. (The pest control guy is coming on Monday, thank God.) I did laundry and ran around planning dinner for two with almost no groceries in the house.

I also made bread and carrot cake from scratch. The bread is a usual recipe for me, so that was easy-ish. (I don't use a breadmaker. I never have, and probably never will. I'm old-fashioned...and too poor to get a good one.) It always makes me happy when it comes out gorgeous and golden, and yesterday it was perfect. The carrot cake was a new thing. I've never made it before, or any type of cake from scratch, and while I may have mad baking skills, new recipes can be risky.

The Naming of Things

One of the things I'm trying to make sure I do while blogging is ensuring some amount of anonymity for my loved ones. Mom, Dad, Step-Dad, Sis, etc. all have easy pseudonyms. I don't give out specifics of where they work unless they have a website, like Step-Dad does, in which case I reserve the right for sending people over there as much as possible. Best friends have first initials or other nicknames.

Boyfriend, however, needed a nickname. Just calling him "Boyfriend" seemed minimizing. It was giving him merely a classification instead of making him a real person. Considering his place in my life, the importance he has, he deserves to be a whole person. And his first initial, E, doesn't look right. Besides, he'll be the one mentioned the most often out of everyone. He lives down the sidewalk, we see each other every day, and we intend to spend the rest of our lives together. So I asked him to think of a pseudonym he liked for when I blog about him.

Voiceless

I've been struggling lately with finding my voice in writing, and in being confident in who that voice is. I know what I want to write - romantic comedy. At the core of my writer's soul, there is romance and laughter...maybe a little bit of magic, too.

I can do the romance. I have to make sure not to go from romantic and sweet to melodramatic and cheesy, but I can do it.

I can do magic. I love fairy tales, fantasy novels, everything that sparkles the sense of something beyond the real world.

Where I struggle is laughter.

Plagued! (in minor fashion)

Since Sunday, I have been plagued by insects. Minorly, but enough to really annoy me.

Flies? Check...er...well, we've got one fly and no swatter. He's a tricky one who hides when I go to get my flipflop and then appears crawling all over the rim of my coffee cup or my bowl of strawberries. Grrr...

We suddenly have ants attacking our kitchen garbage can. We live on the third floor. Are they catapulting themselves up? Tiny ladders? An elevator in the wall? We kill them and they just keep coming...they're terminator ants.

I'm itching like crazy from being eaten by mosquitoes. I would tape pot holders over my hands, but I've been known to rub them in my sleep with my heels. Hard enough to leave scars. Instead, I'm bathing in Benadryl gel. The extra strength stuff. I'd be fine soon, but new ones keep appearing! I was outside five minutes last night and I have seven new ones...

I'd like to know whose people I need to let go to get a reprieve. Really, I'll let them go. I'll even pack them a lunch. But no more bugs, 'kay?

Impeccable Timing

While watching Futurama through Netflix streaming - 

Bender: "Behold! The internet!"
Fry: "My God! It's full of-"
Netflix: "Your internet connection has slowed."
Me: *facepalm*



The next one I posted in the comments on another post a while back, but have to share it in a main post. :)


While watching Jurassic Park with Nancy on my shoulder -

T-Rex: *roars*
Nancy: *screeches*
Raptors: *enter, bobbing heads*
Nancy: *bobs head*
Raptors: *call to each other*
Nancy: *squawks repeatedly*
Raptors: *attack humans*
Nancy: *eyes me*
Me: "Don't even think about it, bird."

It Only (Mostly) Comes Out At Night

I've suffered from depression on and off since 7th or 8th grade. I suppose the fact that it keeps coming back means that it's always been there. It just goes through cycles. I've gone to see counselors several times, and as a psych major I know that that's the best thing to do, but I can't seem to connect with them. I can't bring myself to be honest, I hide things from them, I don't expect them to genuinely care. They're being paid to listen to me whine about crap that most normal people don't have problems with.

I don't trust them.

Struggles

So I'm having trouble lately with coming up with posts. I have them in my head, but have to fight against that blasted voice that wonders why anyone would want to read my stuff unless it's funny. Considering that most of the thoughts in my head lately haven't been that funny, perhaps you can understand why I haven't posted?

Today, though, I have to share with you two photos, and their captions, that my stepdad posted on facebook from Libya. They cracked me up. He's a really interesting guy, a sculptor and ex-fencing coach, and you should go check out his website - van der Wege Sculpture. It's still slightly under construction, but the photo galleries are up and his stuff is like nothing you've ever seen. I promise. You'll love it.

Go check it out. I'll wait.

So the two pictures are these, with his captions quoted underneath each one -

This Week's Lessons

- Trees are heavy, even if they're bonsai versions. They are also unwieldy when they're planted on a large stone platform. Said stone platform will chip paint when you are maneuvering through doorways if you are not careful.

- "There's a bonsai in my bathtub" is a lot of fun to say, but other people may not find the humor and instead will edge cautiously away. Only say this to people who know that the bonsai you're babysitting is desperate for hydration.

- Being productive leads to cactus spines in your leg. Thankfully, they're more like cactus hairs than spines, but they are still annoying. And harder to find to pull out with tweezers.

- Cacti are more cunning than you give them credit for. They will shed tiny hair-like spines even if you don't touch them directly, and those spines will take root in your clothing. You must wash said clothing to get rid of them. There's no other option. No, lint rollers do not help.

- Do not lay on the floor if your shirt has long ties on the back and the cat is going through a crazy time.

- Do not lay on the floor if said cat is still crazy and your hair is in a ponytail. He will try to eat your head. Lovingly.

- Do not stay up past three listening to music, looking for pictures, and watching old movies and funny TV shows because "it's Discovery homework." Your body doesn't care and it will try to explode your head in the morning.

- "My life is a series of domestic adventures" will make your mom crack up and have very little sympathy for you. There is some, but it's masked by the laughter. (I love you, Mom.)

Seething

I wanted to do something lighthearted for this post, especially after the last post's crankiness. And then life decided to drop a boatload of crap on my little sister.

She's been working for our dad for the past couple of weeks, thankful to have any job due to getting fired from her last one and unemployment fighting her on benefits. Dad owns part of a company that is involved with corporate parties and larger events, and he runs the carpentry warehouse. They'll build all sorts of things for the theme that they're hired for, up to and including a scale mini-Alamo. Our brother works with him, too, and Dad and Bro work crazy hours to set up and tear down these parties. Sis was working very basic work there, just helping out as much as she could.

Blegh & Meep

I woke up today in a panic. I'd spent the night at the boyfriend's last night because he had to go to the airport this morning and that required getting up at 6:30. I'm not a morning person, so staying at his place meant that I couldn't sleep through my alarm and screw up his schedule. If I overslept at his place, he could just poke me until I got my butt out of bed. Or toss a cat on me, if he was feeling particularly evil.

Little did I know that his alarm is the alarm clock from Hell. Seriously, I think it could raise the dead. I went from deep asleep, dreaming of cooking dinner for Neil Gaiman and getting bogus parking tickets at a mall in Montana, to wide awake and upright, thinking the world was ending. Boyfriend, on the other hand, was completely calm and poised. My adrenaline rush got me moving, but didn't seem to jumpstart my brain. Zombie Sierra, ladies and gents! Thank goodness zombie-me knows how to drive without crashing.

He got to the airport alright and is safely in Philadelphia now, for two nights. I'm curled up on the couch grumbling, "Fuck you, too," to my uterus. (Yes, TMI. No, I'm too cranky to care.) I have yet to take a shower, I'm tired and in pain, and can't seem to focus on anything. I have to go meet someone to figure out some stuff for my stepdad's website in...about an hour. I emailed to see if I could reschedule because being upright for any period of time makes me want to punch someone.

Am I useless today? Pretty much. Is this blog post pointless? Yup. I'll try to have something better tomorrow or Wednesday. *waves* I'm going back to my couch, heating pad, and Dr. Pepper. I'll see you all when I'm not homicidal.